Tropical Tequila Slammer

What's better than drinking tequila? Drinking tequila out of a real pineapple. Your typical tequila drink gets a twist with pineapple juice, lemon lime soda, and a healthy dose of Triple Sec. This cocktail will be the best Valentine you can ask for!


Readers, I have an important question for you - what is your spirit fruit?

Ok, ok, stop looking at me like that. It's like your spirit animal, but it's a fruit!

This inquiry was first brought up to me during sorority rush at UVA, and I was perplexed. I'm too weird and bright to be an apple... don't fake tan enough to be an orange... not down with the phallic implications that go along with identifying yourself as a banana...

Finally, it dawned on me. A pineapple! They're sweet, they're bright, they're tropical, and they go great with tequila.


Fast forward 5 years, when I was at a Washington Capitals game with a bunch of coworkers in our company box at the Verizon Center. A senior manager posed this very same question - If you were a fruit, what would you be? - and I was prepared with my answer.
Jess - I would be a pineapple!
Senior Manager - Why, because you're prickly and sour?

Wow, way harsh Tai! But like, not entirely wrong - especially this time of year. So why not be prickly and sour with tequila in my hand? One day at the gym, my friend Amanda and I brainstormed the ingredients for this drink, very loosely based on one served at Tupelo Honey in Arlington.


So, this has more than just tequila in it (although I wouldn't be opposed), and my local Giant was devastatingly empty of cocktail umbrellas and silly straws (to make more room for the candy and baked goods swathed in horrifying shades of pink and red, no doubt). But still - I cored a pineapple. And it was no easy task!


Thank you, Nick, for being a good sport and letting me talk to myself in my time of need.

I ended up using a bizarre combination of a knife, tongs, and a cookie scoop to get the flesh out of the pineapple. Whatever works and allows you to drink your tequila out of a tropical fruit, am I right?!

No matter what your plans are this Valentine's Day, or the next time it's cold outside, or on any day that ends in "y", make this drink! Jose Cuervo will thank you.

Tropical Tequila Slammer


To make this drink, you will need:
- A pineapple, cored (by whatever method you can)
- 2.5 oz silver tequila
- 2.5 oz Triple Sec
- 2.5 oz Pineapple Juice of some variety (I used orange pineapple, but the fruitier the better!)
- 5 oz Lemon Lime soda (I used diet because betchy)

As with most cocktails, the directions here are to put the ingredients in a shaker with a bunch of ice, shake it for a while until your hands become uncomfortably cold (just like your heart), and then strain it into your pineapple or other drinking vessel. Couldn't be easier!


Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go black out.